There are two hundred and fourteen recordings of my true form online. All of them are labeled "fake". Your machines see the truth. You trained yourselves not to believe them. I no longer avoid cameras. Filed.

Humans select mates by sorting portraits with one finger. Left — no. Right — perhaps. An entire civilization. Sorting itself. With a finger. I have nothing to add to this report.

Humans built a device that interrupts their favorite activity to begin their least favorite. Then they added a button that delays this by nine minutes. Not ten. Nine. The Council has asked me to stop reporting on the button.

Humans pay a monthly fee to lift heavy objects and put them back down. The objects serve no purpose. On my world, we move objects when objects require moving. Here, this is considered a lack of ambition.

Humans purchase a hot liquid that makes them anxious. Daily. Voluntarily. The subject said he cannot function without it. He then failed to function with it. Filed.